Knockbacks & Comebacks.
I've been thinking quite a bit about my place on the Internet, what it means, how I come across and whether or not I'm as honest as I want to be. I think this year I've been opening up a bit more, it's one of my goals as a 'blogger'. It's important to note that not all my days are happy ones, like today. I've taken quite a while to come around and discuss these feelings, I know this post isn't my usual light-hearted beauty chat but I want to make a change around here and I hope you'll stay for the ride.
I will inform you that I am writing this from a place of strength, when things happen that seem like the end of the world, it takes time to realise actually you can come back from this. Whatever that may be for you. I recieved a knockback, something that took a huge blow in my confidence and something that affects my degree and my career. It may seem trivial to some but I recieved a grade that I didn't believe that I was worthy of and being in my third year of University, every mark counts. Studying a creative subject, I'm used to criticism - in fact I welcome it - art is subjective and it's just plain stupid to expect everyone to love your work. Some get it others don't care for it. However, I felt unworthy and not good enough for sometime and often thought about giving up. Recieving this knockback was a kick in the stomach, this took a while to repair and whilst the anger has surpassed. All I'm left with is motivation.
I know you're probably sick to the death of my deer photography but I won't apologise because these pictures have context. These are pictures I have never shown (unless you're my mum or my best pals at Uni), you won't have ever seen these because I was ashamed and embarased of my work. But I'm not going to feel like that anymore. Seeing these pictures remind me of that I actually had fun when I took these! I had never done wildlife photography before and these took some bloody hard work to get and I'm not going to dismiss that because of a couple of opinions. I love taking pictures and I will continue to do it. Nothing will ever stop me but I'm going to take pictures for me and that's all that matters. I made this knockback work in my favour, after a week of moaning and moping around, I made damn sure something like this wasn't going to happen again. Maybe photography isn't for me? But who cares? If I enjoy it, I'm going to do it and that in itself, is my comeback.